In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
