This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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