I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
