just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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