my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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