This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
