I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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