Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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