I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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