she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
