She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
