idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
whose parrot is this?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
