New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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