I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
