I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
