I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
