i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
