dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize