I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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