is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize