I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
