It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
