I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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