did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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