hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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