She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize