Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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