Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
