So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize