Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
