does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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