He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
