Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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