Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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