I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
