that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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