fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
