I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
