my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
