Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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