hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
