we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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