So drunk its hurt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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