So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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