I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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