to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
