How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
