Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
