Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
