i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
