I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
