she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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