I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
