i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
