I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
