my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
