i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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