You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
