you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
