Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
