the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
