may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
